This is the first entry in my new blog. I had an online journal for a few years at my website, but since I killed my web hosting service, the aforementioned link is pretty much useless for the moment. I had a few steady readers, but if my stats showed over 10 visitors a day, it was a stellar week. I don’t want to blow my load all at once, so I’ll avoid the biography for now. You (theoretical reader) will learn enough about me as we go along.
I’m starting this blog for a couple of reasons: 1) to refine my writing chops (it’s been a while since I’ve done any writing); 2) to entertain myself (and you as well, theoretical reader); 3) to build a foundation for a book I will (theoretically) write about weight loss that’s geared for the prototypical, lazy guy.
My idea of a weight loss book came about a few months ago when I decided it was time to get serious about my health. I’ve been fat virtually all of my life with little consequence (other than being ostracized and not getting laid as a teenager…just little things like that). STRIKE ONE: Late last year, my doctor wanted to put me on Toprol and Benicor because my blood pressure was high. STRIKE TWO: I got on the scale and lapped the fucking thing—300 is a great bowling score, but a horrible weight. STRIKE THREE: My fat clothes were getting tight and I had no cash to upgrade my wardrobe to Chris V.300. I stopped eating my nightly snack and the growth slowed down and I lost a few pounds. About two months ago my wife asked me if I would go with her to Weight Watchers and I figured it couldn’t hurt.
After the meeting, I decided that I needed to get serious about my weight loss and health and jokingly said that I was going to write a book about my experience. The title popped into my head, Diary of a Fat Man, an obvious pun of the Ozzy title, and I thought that I would keep things light and sarcastic (and exceedingly vulgar), but give good information on a solid way to change from a gluttonous lifestyle to one of healthy moderation. Two months later (hurrah Mr. Procrastination!), I’m blogging all this to be used as working notes for my book.
So, introductions made; rationale delivered; I welcome you into the Diary of a Fat Man.