I walk into the bathroom at work to take care of business. When you’re a guy, throughout the day your penis gets bored and likes to go through various stages of inflation, just to keep things interesting. So, I pull my buddy out and he’s at about a half-chub, I take aim and proceed to “make water” as the old folks back home in Louisiana like to say.
Well, apparently my half inflated friend is a little more inflated around the ol’ urethra than he should be, because instead of a steady stream of urine soundly splashing the back of porcelain in the urinal, I get “thumb on a water hose” spray of pee that only half makes it to the appropriate destination.
I quickly move my left leg back out of the way to try to keep my shoes dry and hit a wet patch on floor. Wet tile not being conducive to good traction, I start a terrifyingly quick journey to the floor. In the split second of the fall, I imagine myself being found unconscious under the urinal, dick in my hand, covered in my own piss.
The scare must have sped up my reflexes, because I caught myself on the wall next to the urinal, taking quick action with my right had to stop the sprinkler action.
Amazingly enough, not a drop hit my shoes or pants (thank god), but I did have the unpleasant task of wiping up the floor before heading back to my desk. The only positive is that it was my own mess that I was cleaning. The only thing worse than wiping up your piss is wiping up someone else's. (reminds me of the following joke: "What's worse than a cold seat in a public restroom? Answer: A warm one."