Diary of a Fat Man

Blow It Out Your Adze

7/11/2006 4:55:35 PM

Ok, so today during one of the eight times I go to take a piss, I reach the foyer at the bathroom area and I hear the most disturbing, bowl-rattling, echoing off the walls fart that has ever left the bowels of a human. It was so loud and vibrant that you could almost feel it. The best way to describe it would be to imagine a little kid eating a bowl of Spaghetti-o's. Now imagine that child leaning over into a large metal pail and giving a GIANT raspberry while shooting out Spaghetti-O's at the same time.

Yuck. 

Now imagine my surprise as I enter the Men's room and find it totally and undeniably empty. I start giggle as I realize where that mournful, colon tuba blast came from.

The Women's room.

I chuckle while I drain the lizard and my chuckle becomes a laugh and I have tears rolling down my face. I'm laughing so hard while zipping up that I inadvertantly catch my manhood in my zipper.

After I give a brief yowl from the agony, I laugh even harder at the absurdity of the fact that I just injured my penis while laughing hysterically because one of the "women" in the office was orchestrating an anal Sousa march in the bathroom.

Life doesn't get much better, friends.

Comments

mtcutie - 7/11/2006 5:42:02 PM
ewwwwwwwwwww!
 
mt
www.mtcutie.blogspot.com
 
Heather Kerr - 7/11/2006 6:10:28 PM
I hope the ass tooter was TGWSNTMAW.  So much for the spank bank. hehehehe
the sleep deprived momma - 7/11/2006 6:16:34 PM
ANAL! SOUSA! MARCH!
 
I think I just shit myself!!!
 
That was fucking Hilarious!
- 7/11/2006 11:22:04 PM
'women..'
 
you're so weird.
 
she's probably saving it up 'til she gets to the bathroom, so her extra-lavatorial rectal demeanor remains otherwise untainted by such indelicacies. my mother used to do that. her first gesture upon entering the restroom was to cut loose. you would have liked her. very proper, feminine, repressed. she would have made a good southerner..........
 
 
DONNA MURRAY - 7/12/2006 8:08:26 AM
Oh My!!  I'm laughing so hard - I've got tears!!  How funny!  I would have so waited though and stalked to see WHO was making such disparaging  noises and given them a look of sympathy - then they would be totally mortified thinking. . . "Did he hear that? Or no?  <just evil that way>
ann - 7/12/2006 8:21:17 AM
Hahaha!  Gross.
Chuck - 7/12/2006 3:28:11 PM
you needed to hang around and find out from whence it came.  Man, I know that the curiosity would have killed this cat. I all most fell out of my chair laughing. 
- 7/12/2006 8:09:14 PM
hummmm, I'm sitting here wondering how you get your best buddy caught in your zipper.  Don't you tuck him into your tighty whities first then zipper?......  UNLESS you were going Commando!   
 
Random thoughts.........lol
Denise  ;)
Steven Swain - 7/12/2006 10:31:14 PM
Injured dong?  Check.  Girl farts like a Studebaker?  Check.  Good story.
DeWitte Wilson - 7/13/2006 9:53:27 AM

Four of us used to work in this little programming area where on one end of the room there was a small bathroom with a wooden door and louvers in it at the bottom.  Tech repair guys were somehow drawn to this room because they'd show up, put down their tools and head right in there.  You'd think they had just eaten some bad liver or something.  It was not unusual to have to open the doors to the room sometimes after they left.  But the worse thing I recall is this one lady who worked there and she would go in and you'd hear the toilet flush and the door open almost simultaneously.  That's right - she never washed her hands - never.  Maybe she is extremely careful?  How do we know?  Well, besides opening the door really fast, you also never heard the sink run - which you could always hear through the louvers.  Nice! 

"Hi, I'm Sally!" <as she reaches out her hand>

Kandyce Dewar - 7/14/2006 10:30:02 PM
awesome---farting rocks
- 7/21/2006 12:57:06 PM
We have a special remote bathroom at work where all the gassy women retreat to rip 'em hard.  They think nobody else is in there...tee hee.