Diary of a Fat Man

First Day of School Part II and The Fattest People in the World

8/10/2006 12:29:20 PM
I'll go ahead and get this out of the way first, although it is by no means unimportant.
 
Chloe's first day (so far) went really well.  Chloe is going to the school that Laurie teaches, so the drop off/pickup routine will be cool.  However, the fact that Laurie teaches at the school prevented her from being able to walk her to her class this morning.  Laurie had to get to school around 7am to get things ready for her new students, so it was my job to get Chloe ready, get her stuff, and take her to class for the first time.  I could tell she was a little nervous, but she was a trooper.  Getting to the school was like trying to flee Lebanon.  There was this ungodly traffic jam in front of the school, so I had to park across the street in a day care's parking lot.
 
I took Chloe to her class and she actually said "good morning" to her teacher (after I prompted her).   I showed her where to hang her backpack and asked her if she remembered where her desk was.  She took me to her desk, sat down, and started coloring.  I took some pics and told her that I was going to leave.  She just looked up and said, "Ok, bye.  I love you." She wasn't scared at all; she didn't cry at all.  I was very proud of her. 
 
Laurie sent me an email saying that Chloe's teacher sent HER an email saying that Chloe was doing good and that she was talking to her.
 
I'm not sure if I've mentioned before why it's a big deal that she's talking to the teacher.  If I have, too fucking bad, you're going to have to read it again.  Chloe doesn't talk to ANYBODY outside of the family...and there are some people in the family she doesn't talk to.  She's been like that since she was little.  If someone she doesn't know talks to her, she just acts like they don't exist.  She won't look at them; she won't talk to them; she doesn't even acknowledge that they are near her.  My brother in law, also named Chris, has been around Chloe since she as an infant.  He buys her cool presents and is very nice, but she has never said a word to him.  If we try to make her, she starts to cry, so we stopped trying. 
 
So the fact that she's talking to the teacher is a HUGE thing for us.  We were super worried about that.  I hope the rest of her day goes well.  But, God help the teacher if she tries to make her take a nap...Chloe hasn't napped since she was a baby.
 

 
Now on to something different--the fattest people in the world.
 
I've been eating like my life depends on it for the past few weeks.  It's insane.  I can't fucking stop myself.  I think it's a combination of a few things: 1) I just like to eat; 2) The medication I'm on has been giving me the munchies; 3) I quit dipping tobacco AND I'm also totally off the nicotine gum, too (no nicotine for over a week now--Yay!). 
 
I feel horrible about myself right now.  I'm turning into a gluttonous pig.  I've gained back about 25lbs of what I lost and I look like shit.
 
So that said, I took the kids to Golden Corral last night.  If you're not familiar with Golden Corral, it's an All-You-Can-Eat restaurant that has pretty much all kinds of foods.  All kinds of fatty, greasy, cheesy, scrumptious foods.  Did I mention that you can get as much of it as you want?  Including bananna pudding?  And cheesecake?  And ice cream?  And pies?  And fried chicken?  And macaroni?  As much as you want?  DID I YOU MOTHER FUCKERS??
 
I'm gorging myself on my third plate of food and I start to look around at the other patrons.  I then realize that every single person in the restaurant  (except for my kids and the skinny mexican busboys) are grossly obese.  Every. Single. Mother. Fucker. In. That. Place.  I'm not even exaggerating for effect.  Unfortunately, I'm probably pushing close to 270 again and there were people in there that made me look as svelte as a 13 year old anoxeric girl spitting water at herself in the bathroom mirror.  I kept looking around to see if I saw any skinny people eating, but there weren't any.
 
I was hoping that my epiphany would lead to me getting back to eating right, but I blew that chance this morning when I ate two gas station hot dogs on the way to work.  But, other than that, I've eaten healthy foods.
 
Dear God, Mary, and Baby Jesus, please help me control my eating!
 
Do you think that twelve-stepping my eating like it was alcohol abuse would help?

Comments

mao inhibitors - 8/10/2006 1:15:01 PM
why would an anorexic girl spit water at herself in the bathroom mirror?
 
whenever we discuss texas (my SIL's birthplace),  my brother HAS to mention the fat thing. he's what you'd call an exercise bulimic, so fat really bugs the shit out of him (even though his wife's pudgy), so his credibility is pretty sketchy in this area. he likes to quote that statistic in Supersize Me about texas being the fattest state, blah blah blah....and that everybody drives everywhere and nobody walks or bikes because it's half the time too hot, etc.
 
so I guess maybe he's right...?
 
that's weird about chloe; whenever i meet a kid like that (I'm a huge kid flirt), I get freaked out and vaguely annoyed, because I'm standing there with an unreciprocated greeting like stinky dog-shit smell wafting from my shoes. it's hard as the parent when your kid has a weird idiosyncracy like that, though. is she just uber-shy? or stuck-up like her dad? (sorry. i just couldn't resist)
 
i was mondo fucking shy when i was little, and look at me now. she sounds like she's making progress....
MissMerrySunshine1 - 8/10/2006 1:23:05 PM
First off your little girl is cute as a button!  What does that mean...cute as a button?  Anyway she's freaking cute.  I actually laughed out loud when I read you ate 2 gas station hot dogs for breakfast!!  Breakfast, man!  Hopefully all this is making your damn headache go away.  And, I love Golden Corral especially when pregnant and they even have sugar free cake AND pudding!  I shoved the old people out of my way to get to it.  It wasn't quite the same when we went the other day.  I could only have 1 roll instead of 4.   Fucking diabetes.  Congrats on Chloe's first day...sound's like she is making good progress.
Fat Chick - 8/10/2006 1:40:58 PM
YAY Chloe! Congrats on the first day of school!
 
I hear where you're coming from with the eating (and with the GC, there's always big people there). I started getting so upset with myself that I started searching for books on overeating. I found one about an over eater who went to a clinic to help her stop. It's called, "Locked up for eating too much". I forget who the author is but I'm hoping to get some insight and see where I fall. If it's any good or inspiring in any way I'll let you know.
 
Hang in there, you'll get back on track!
~ Fat Chick
Keith - 8/10/2006 6:35:41 PM
Congrats on a successful first day - good going Chloe.. :)
 
Now the rest, you may kick my ass for.  You mentioned a 12-step program to control weught- and I've never personally been on one but i know lots of people who have - it just doesn't seem to fit the 'crime' so to speak.  Actually, I'm cracking up thinking - not sure which number this is - where you run around to all the people you hurt or embarassed or whatever when you were .... too fat??  LOL   Or when you were "using" ...food?  :)
 
Just a thought...
Keith
Heather Kerr - 8/10/2006 8:13:28 PM
That pic was too cute!  Way to go, Chloe.
Steven Swain - 8/10/2006 9:57:05 PM
I used to never talk tompeople at that age.  ihave my moments now, but she'll grow out of it as she's at school more.
 
Golden Corral scares me.  No shit.  I went not too long ago and that's all I saw:  people gorging themselves.  We've all done it at buffets, but that place gives me a creepy feeling because there's just so many people doing it.
DeWitte Wilson - 8/11/2006 8:57:45 AM
"Ah - Commme back to the Corraaalllll!" - (spoken like that old Come back to the Islands commercial in the 70's) - Yep, been there.  If you haven't heard John Pinnette's "Show me the Buffet" album, you should.  So, it's 1985 and I'm in Roanoke VA doing some work for this company.  I go to the Holiday Inn restaurant and they are having A-Y-C-E mexican night - and OMG - The people were huge!  I've been huge too, but these guys were more huge.  Whole families just walking back and forth to the taco bar.  Buffets are from the devil.  Chinese buffets are worse because if you make it through an hour, you're starving again and you keep going back.  The only 12 step program I need is 12 steps away from the freaking table.  Would you believe that yesterday after being good and avoiding the snack machine all afternoon, my boss comes in with a box of chocolate chip cookies and says "Here you guys go!" - this NEVER happens.   (and holy crap, they were delicious!)
the sleep deprived momma - 8/11/2006 9:10:16 AM
Congrats on a great first day at school. I was always the extrovert. In kindergarten, we went on a field trip to a high school and the cheerleaders gave us a tour. But only AFTER they sat through MY cheer for them. In front of the WHOLE student body. I talked to ANYONE! ALL the TIME! When Adam Walsh was kidnapped my Mom sat me down and gave me the "You could be taken by kidnappers" speech and I was like, "Will they take me to Disney World?". So the alternative is not always a good thing, dude! :)
Hope you can get a handle on the food again. After I quit smoking in `03 I gained TOO much weight. Got knocked up again in 2004 and I'm just now getting some of it off. Of course I did start smoking again ... it was that or a prison term. Will Power is a lie!
Sheree - 8/11/2006 11:05:39 AM
Hello! Hello!
 
You know I really don't remember how I found your space - I'm just so glad I did!  I had to come out of lurker mode to tell you "thanks"!  I know you don't write what you do for MY entertainment but I look forward to checking in every morning when I get to the office just to see what's going on in your world.  I've laughed so much that I've cried, snorted, spit whatever I was drinking at the time on my desk, almost wet myself, etc.  Thanks for the laughs and I hope you have a kickass day.
 
Sheree
Chuck - 8/11/2006 4:22:59 PM
I missed the quitting the chew early on.  I must be S L O W.  Anyway, A guys that worked for me got the same skull splitting headaches when he quit. One day he is smoking these nasty camel cigarrettes, chew Red Man tobacco, without spitting and drinking the largest cup of starbucks coffee I have ever seen, plus he adds a double shot of expresso, each and every morning, in the afternoon he changes the coffee for Mountain Dew soda.  Then one day he comes in and he is going cold turkey.  No patch, no cigs, no chew, no coffee, no dew, nothing, nada, zip.  His head is ready to explode and he is a raving lunatic.  It took about 4 weeks for the headaches to stop. 
Kandyce Dewar - 8/12/2006 11:19:10 AM
hey chris,
 
     Chloe is just sweet!  You must be so proud.  And yeah, that is great news about her opening up to the teacher....sounds like she'll be ok on the learning front...which is key for when she takes over the world in the future ;)  It'll be interesting to see how things go with her and her peers....keep us updated!
 
Food...yeah...ugh.  I hear ya all the way on that one.  I used to be quite a bit overweight myself back in my early twenties (when all I was doing was drinking and eating Wendy's junior burgers at 3AM), but I managed to snap out of it and start exercising and watching what I ate.  Thing is....I still deal with ravenous cravings for all things shitty and still binge out bad on occasion like I used too.  Even while you were telling your story about GC, I was thinking how fucking awesome that must have been.  Fack....anyways......I've read up on overeating quite a bit, and one point comes up over and over again.  Not having "control" is always about something else.  People eat to self-medicate/soothe...whatever.  I guess the way you can start to figure the source of this evil indulgence is to force yourself to stop right before you go to reach for that big bag of chips and question the shit out of yourself......and of course, you're going to be pissed bc you just want to eat the chips and be done with it....but then I guess you probe further and figure out why you're having that reaction to not being able to self soothe----etc etc...and on and on.  I tried it---it sucked at first, but I wrote a bunch of shit down....I got upset....blah blah blah blah.  anyway...that's the psych. perspective on it. 
take care....Kandyce :)