My Wife
8/23/2005 12:58:52 PM
As promised in my post about my kids, I'll fill you in a little about my wife.
This is Laurie:
Laurie just started working full-time again after a five year sabbatical following the birth of our daughter, Chloe. She worked part-time off and on during those five years as a substitute teacher and a tutor after the telecom bubble burst and I lost the majority of my pay (and became a peon again). Laurie's favorite things are our family (including that stupid fucking dog of ours), US Magazine, 80's music, getting her back scratched, and Honey-Roasted Chex Mix. If finances allowed it, Laurie would be happiest remaining a full-time stay at home mom (and hopefully that can happen again in the next couple of years).
The only negative thing that I can say about my wife is that she has a pretty crappy self image some of the time. All I can say about that is that I think she's fucking hot and if I weren't already married to her, she's the girl I'd try to pick up if I ran into her in the produce aisle of the grocery store.
Laurie likes to tell people that we met in school, but the truth is that we met in this shitty little hole in the wall bar called The Dart in Bossier City, Louisiana on March 4, 1994. My cousin and I spent 3-4 nights a week there because the booze was cheap and the booze was cheap. Laurie and her friends had started going there for the same reason. She was there that night with her friend who was, oddly enough, her former cousin by marriage. My cousin and her friend are now married as well (weird, huh?).
As usual, I was plastered and when I saw her walking by, I said "You have beautiful hair". I must have not been slurring too badly at that point because she understood what I said. More importantly, she recognized me from my picture in the school newspaper (I wrote a weekly humor column) and apparently she was a fan of my mediocre column. Luckily, she was also a little tipsy and the two combined allowed her to overlook the numerous occassions that I fell off my bar stool (and the numerous times I forgot her name). Yes--I was quite the player back then.
Laurie put up with a LOT of shit from me back when we were dating. I wasn't a very good boyfriend to her and definitely didn't treat her the way she deserved to be treated. I tried to remain emotionally distant and closed off. I think most of that was due to the amount of drinking that I did back then, but it could also be from other emotional baggage that I was carrying around at the time relating to when my mom took off when I was 13. Who knows? (The Shadow knows!).
Anyway, I broke up with her twice. The last time was some HUGE ordeal that I don't remember at all. She still doesn't believe that I don't remember it, but I really don't. We were at my friend John's trailer (big balling in Lousiana) for a party after work. I was tanked by the time I got there and I don't remember anything other than showing up, slamming back several Flaming Dr. Peppers, and sitting on the couch. After that, NADA. I guess we got into an argument about something, I tried to run away by running circles around the house, and then I picked up a barbeque grill and threw it at her. Nice, huh? I'm also told that I knocked a door off the hinges inside my friend's house and then punched out one of my other friends. For some strange reason, she took me back.
Sometime thereafter, I quit boozing because Laurie was getting tired of my crap. There was never a point blank ultimatum, but the way things were getting it wasn't really necessary. I knew that if I didn't grow up and start getting serious about things, I'd lose the most important person in my life. So, I did.
If my wife hadn't cared for me as much as she did, I would either be dead or living in some squalid trailer in Haughton, LA strung out on booze and meth like the loser friends I used to hang out with. I'm pretty certain that I'd have drank myself to death by now.
My wife is truly the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. She's a fantastic mother, a great friend, a loving and caring person, and a partner in every sense of the word. And she ain't bad in the sack, either. (Sorry, getting too Oprah there for a minute).
This December we'll be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. We have our problems (like all couples do), but they're typically minor crap and usually my fault. I can't imagine my life without her.
Enough of the sappy stuff...I promise that the next post will involve something vulgar and offensive and probably involve porn, midgets, or shaving of some sort.
- 8/23/2005 4:49:47 PM
That is soooooooo sweet. It reminds me of when I hooked up with my fiance/boyfriend/roommate. He was bartending and I thought he was very cute. So I leaned over the bar and told him I had a crush on him. Then I lost my footing and fell on the ground and my white skirt got all dirty. Speaking of shaving, I overheard a woman in the cube next to me calling around to find a place that would shave a cat. Is that odd? I think so.