Last night, Laurie got a call from one of her friends from high school. Laurie pretty much never answers the phone if it's one of her friends, so it went to the answering machine. She didn't hear the message and had me replay it:
"Hey Laurie, this is Paula. Oh. My. God. Do I have some news for you. I guess John Doe [obviously not his real name] got arrested today...for CHILD MOLESTATION. Call me!"
John Doe (yep, still not his real name--I could give a shit about protecting his identity; this is just a smallish way to keep this post from popping up if someone googles dipshit's name) was one of Laurie's friends from high school. He is (or should I say, WAS) a high school football coach. Apparently, he's been banging one of the fifteen year old girls that goes to his school for the past year or so. He got caught because the girls parent's found "salacious" text messages on her phone. What a moron.
He was one of the few friends from high school that Laurie kept in touch with, at least until about five years ago.
Anyway, what makes this story funny (to me, anyways) is that this guy is (or is supposed to be) one of these super-religious uber-christians. He was the teacher that sponsored the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at his school (quick aside...how do you know your coach is a southern christian? Athlete has three syllables.) He was one of those obnoxious fucks that signs his emails (and I'm assuming letters too) with "In his name".
Dude, I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't give a fuck that you're dedicating every mispelled, CAPS LOCK RIDDEN, spellcheck lacking email to his honor. The last time he and Laurie talked, he and his wife were about to have their first baby. Not only was he scumbaggy enough to fuck around on his wife, now she (and the little kid too) has to live with the shame of seeing him plastered all over the news and newspapers.
I get a ridiculously intense sense of pleasure when I see evangelical christians (really, any offensively zealous person) get busted for doing some really shady business. I loathe their smug sense of superiority and self-rightousness. It's just so fulfilling to see them to get reamed by the press.
What's icing on the hypocrisy muffin is that they aren't just doing some borderline activity like secretly blogging about wanting to bang co-workers or ,god forbid, the eighteen (please??) year old sluts from their church. These cretins are the Ted Haggards of the world, who publicly condemn gay couples who want to marry while he is smoking ice and fisting gigolos...these are the guys being busted by Dateline NBC for soliciting minors...these are the trusted priests that want to stick more than a bit of Eucharist on our prepubescent tongues...these are the leaders of society that piously pontificate from their podiums while taking bribes...these are the people that we mistakenly trust our kids to during Sunday School or little league games.
I guess I just have a hard time trusting anyone who blindly puts ALL their faith with some intangible magician that no one has seen or heard from in a couple of millenium. Is that bad? I mean, when you think about it, if you REALLY follow what Christ said, you should cut your ties with everyone and spend your time praying and prosetylizing. So if you want to be a REAL Christian, WTF are you doing with your family? I also don't remember anything in the NT that nullifies the rules of the OT. Drop that ham sandwich, bitch. Milk and fish? You're about to burn in HELL...oh, I forget, the Jews don't believe in Hell. You do know that you're Jewish, right? You're just not a good one.
I guess my point is that if you are going to be all holier than thou, then actually be holy. Get rid of all of your possessions, your family, your friends, and do nothing but focus on your God. Otherwise, you're just being a hypocritical and quite annoying asshole.
In his name,
Chris
Maris Ehlers - 1/5/2007 9:30:09 PM