Diary of a Fat Man

My ass is KILLING me right now.  I’ve felt like a big slug all week because I haven’t gone out running this week.  But it was do damn hot yesterday (103 degrees/110 with the heat index) that I figured I’d end up like Martin Lawrence if I tried to run.  So, I decided to break out the ol’ mountain bike instead.

It was fun for like, 5 minutes.  After that, I felt like those fucks in Abu Ghraib after a meeting the CIA.  My thighs were burning, my heart was pounding, but most of all, my ass was hurting.  I may have lost 50 lbs so far, but I’m still trying to prop 245 lbs of dwindling mass on a hard plastic seat the size of a piece of toast.  I think that only way it could be worse is if I had removed the seat and just shoved the seat stem straight into my rectum, becoming the first man/bike cyborg.

I only stayed out for 10 minutes because of the heat, but I did ride two miles.

I finally picked up some weights on Monday from my father-in-law.  He had a set of OLD weights and a long bar that he said I could have.  They’re the old school weights made out of concrete and covered in vinyl, but they work!  And, I must add, much better than the milk jugs I have been using.  I don’t get much variety from them right now since I don’t have a bench, but I’ve been able to add bicep curls to my repertoire of exercises (I’m doing 15 reps/2 sets of 65 lbs) and tricep extensions (5 reps/2 sets of 65 lbs) to what I’ve been doing lately (which has just been declined pushups and the shoulder lifts).

Now for something completely different.

I’m a healthy, normal (arguably) man with a healthy, normal (hehe) sex drive. On occasion, I enjoy watching porn.  Being somewhat frugal (and totally sane), I refuse to pay $11.99 to get  “On Demand” porn from Comcast. $11.99?  It’s not like I’m some doofus business man stuck in a hotel in BFE, Georgia and lonely enough to shell out 12 bucks for dolphin flogging fodder, come on!  The closest video store to rent porn is about 20 minutes from my house.  It’s actually a really nice place, with half of it being a normal video store and the other half the den of inequity that you have to go through a somewhat hidden door to get to.  They have a pretty decent variety of flicks and cater to pretty much any kink you can think of.  Anime? Check.  Big tops? Check.  Cream Shots? Check.  Pissing vids? Check.  S&M, B&D, DP, ATM?  Check, check, check, and ewww. 

I pretty much stick to the girl on girl stuff because, well, I like girl on girl stuff. I’m tired of seeing some dude’s hairy ass blocking my view of the goodies. A couple of years ago, there wasn’t much variety in this genre, but it seems to be taking off.  Lesbians rock.

Here’s my recommendation to all men in porn (and pretty much all men period).  Shave your ball sack.  I’m tired of watching porn and seeing hairy balls flopping around everywhere.  It’s like watching Mr. Snuffleupagus attacking a delicate, beautiful flower.  For us normal guys, it’s just polite to keep yourself groomed.  Take a wooly, furry sock and drop a couple of limes in it.  Bounce that off your chin for a little while.  Do YOU like that?  You fag...you do, don’t you?