Diary of a Fat Man

OK.  So check this out.  Now that the "merge" has happened, AI is starting to interest me again.  It's just too much to digest when you have them separated.

 

Here's my pick for the top two:

 

Blake

 

and Jordan.

 

 

They are far and away the most viable contestants.  Lakisha Jones can sing like a mother fucker, but she's very old school. 

 

And this chick?

 

 

Spike up her hair and throw an emerald in her navel and you get this:

Jeezus, I've never seen nostrils that large on a biped since my last trip to the zoo.

 

I've joined the keep Sanjaya bandwagon.  I laughed during his entire song...literally to the point where I almost passed out.  I was dizzy and I couldn't catch my breath.  Holy fucking shit is he entertaining. 

 

I thought it was so nice that they gave so much airtime to that little retarded girl in the audience that was so touched by Sanjaya that she was crying.  They must save the first rows for the Special Olympics kids.  That's so thoughtful of them to keep putting that little retarded girl on there.  Hmm?  What?  She's NOT retarded?  Nah, you're joshing me again.  Clearly she's retarded.  I mean, look at those funky braces and sloped brow.  Who else would cry not only during Sanjaya's performance, but also during Melindas?  Surely you jest.

 

Back to Sanjaya.  If he makes it again, please please please please please vote to keep him in.  I almost kinda feel bad about the level of ridicule he's enduring, but he asked for it.  I told Laurie he's be the perfect type for the new Menudo that's coming out, except the whole "spanish speaking" stuff.  Maybe he could create an Indian version of Menudo and call it Curry.

 

Laurie tells me I'm mean, but I just can't keep that kind of shit to myself.  I mean, what am I supposed to do when this whore comes on?

 

Not call her a whore?  Don't be ridiculous.  A skank is a skank, my friends.  *sniff* anyone else smell Nikki Mckibbin?

 

I'll admit, this dude's kinda funny.

 

Bringing chubby back?  Nice...but you may want to opt for a bigger tie, tubby.  He's like Adam Duritz after a losing a fight with the Stay Puft Marshmallow man.

 

I've got time for one more.  Could this dude be any whiter?

Who knew that Powder could sing?  He thinks he's Chris Daughtry.  He's no Chris Daughtry.

 

Here's one tip for you, Phil.  Leave some stubble either on your head or on your face.  Nothing is odder than a pasty white dude with jet black eyebrows who's shaved closer than his wife's va-jay-jay (oh and freebie to your wife: please stop plucking your eyebrows.  You look like you have a perpetual question, Riddler).